Canoeing at the Hollybush Inn
A few months back a friend discovered a belter of a deal on Groupon, a day's canoeing plus a night at a B&B for £20, flippin' bargain. So Sinéad Nua and her seven accomplices ventured off to the Hollybush Inn at Hay On Wye for a canoeing trip to the Twilight Zone. We arrived late (my lack of navigational skills found us on the right road, however in the wrong direction) to meet a very displeased lady called Barbara who was already in the middle of her safety briefing. She was talking as if we were going to be out there on our tod....oh wait, we were actually going to out there on our tod, oh dear, should've been listening and not planning picnic. Panic panic panic! But the mention of a mooring point near a pub perked me right up and I thought, right that's my final destination on this trip! I could taste the ale and the salt'n'vinegar crisps already.
So we got ourselves kitted out in life jackets, canoes and oars and set about getting the lot on the water, a feat in itself for 8 city lasses. I was in a boat of three, the 'steerer' in the back and the 'navigator' in front (I've made up my own terms as I wasn't paying attention). It seemed my duty was to stay the hell out of the way, having demonstrated that my lack of navigational skills didn't just apply to the road. I felt like a lady of leisure, except instead of delicately holding an afternoon tea I was clutching onto an oar for dear life, cold water and jeans doth not a good day make. Despite our naughty lack of attention to the safety briefing, we negotiated the canoe through the valley admiring the views and taking in the fresh air. Easy peasy...but we got cocky. Approaching a bit of fast moving water we hatched a plan to get us through. But our confidence was shot down by the sensation of a shakey boat and the onslaught of water, all of which landed on my seat leaving me with a soggy rear for the remainder of the day, classy. We decided from then on to let the water take us where it may and keep the oars the hell out of the way as we ascertained that this uneducated, panicky engagement may have caused the water to become angry with us and we wanted the water on our side. Having spent half an hour with nature I was starting to believe it had a consciousness.
Four hours later I had worked up a wicked thirst only to find the haven of The Boat Inn with it's halo of light around it and the sound of angels serenading us in. I have since heard that nobody else witnessed the halo or the angels so I'm wondering if this hallucination was thirst related... We pulled the boat out of the water with great stealth and strength (it's amazing what you can achieve when 100 yards from a pint of Otter) and made our way to the bar. Once our thirst was quenched and we had enjoyed the afternoon sunshine in the beer garden we phoned Barbara for our promised lift back to base. We arrived back, excited from the mixture of fresh air and beer, to be checked into our rooms at the Hollybush. I must add in here, we were eternally grateful to have been given actual rooms after hearing a report from another guest who, following a booking confusion, was given a teepee to sleep in. How quirky I hear you say! Not so much, the camping at the Hollybush is basic (and that's a compliment) so without a proper bed they were uncomfortable and freezing. With a stroke of luck, we were given four of their five bedrooms, all very different in style but with one common denominator - lovely comfy beds! One even had a free standing bath tub in the middle of the room, a highly impractical novelty for the two friends sharing this room (I later found out that they took turns in bathing while the other averted her eyes!)
We gathered in the garden and shared accounts of our near misses over a few beers (my jeans had dried by this stage), served to us by the perpetually chatty Betty. Following a quick freshen up we met back in the pub where we had a table booked for dinner. We ate wonderful home cooked food and listened to the very 'eclectic' array of live music they had on. I had the mutton pudding which was made from one of the Inn's own sheep, you can't get cuisine more local than that! Barbara had chilled way down to no longer being angry at our tardiness but poor Betty was so run off her feet I thought her head was going to spin off. So busy was this pub and so understaffed the team got stuck into wherever they were needed, even the chef morphed into a waiter.
I went to bed full and tipsy, and slept like a log in my plush bed (probably should have spared a thought for the poor buggers in the teepees). Breakfast the following morning was another new experience. Having been ignored several times, while I sat hungrily and in dire need of coffee, I resorted to popping my head through the kitchen door to ask if I could actually HAVE a breakfast. My order was taken in exchange for a spot of waitressing when I had to ask some fellow guests if they wanted tea or coffee (as Barbara had forgotten to ask them herself). Fair enough I suppose, I had only paid £20, I guess there had to be a catch right?! My breakfast arrived like an apparition and was delicious, as was the coffee. Happy to be caffeinated and full I made my way to my room to pack my belongings and head back to normality.
Despite the quirkiness of this place, ie if you ask for a cup of tea don't expect it to arrive
at all and if it does then good times, the Hollybush Inn has an intimate charm. Leave your customer service expectations at the door (wait, stay with me for a minute) and you'll open yourself up to experiencing something rare and spontaneous....and unmissable. Just make sure you book a ROOM!
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